when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
