Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My vagina just recognized that song.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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