apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
