I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
