two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
