i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
