During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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