Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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