i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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