next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize