I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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