Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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