I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just forgot I was standing up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
