what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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