Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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