I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
