I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
