Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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