You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
