I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
