Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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