I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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