just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
