I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
