If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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