i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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