Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
