i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
