the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize