Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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