i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its not stalking. its research.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
