I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
