I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
