Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
