So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
