tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize