and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
