we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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