watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
