he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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