it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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