Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
my poor anus
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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