Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
