He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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