It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You dont lie about slip and slides
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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