As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
