My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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