my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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