So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
