There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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