that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
