So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
