I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm always down for nudity.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
