Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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