Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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