I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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