He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
