They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
