would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
