He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
