we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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