Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
