he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
