A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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