good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
