y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
