I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
